The Art of Elegance: A Study In Refinement With Brielle Lynette
Living a beautiful life requires more than just following a list of aesthetically pleasing daily tasks. When it comes to good etiquette, introspection and authenticity are paramount.
There is a certain carefree and genuine quality that you’ll often find in some of the most fabulous women you’ll meet in your lifetime. Their true selves are never hidden behind a façade, and they understand how to appreciate a moment for what it is, never taking themselves too seriously.
I sat down with Brielle Lynette one morning, on one of those sparkling days in early Spring when the sunlight bounces off of the last frost of the season. An undeniably authentic online personality turned certified etiquette consultant, that’s exactly how I would describe her—sparkling, with perhaps a hint of light-hearted girlishness. As we began to chat, it soon became apparent that to her, life really was only as vibrant as you intentionally make it. From a love of exploring the world through the performing arts, to the importance of stepping outside of your comfort zone and learning new skills well into your adult life, nothing about her was frozen in place. After all, a woman should always be in an ever-evolving state.
But not everything has to be so serious. A string of pearls over a fuzzy sweatshirt revealed a casual and easygoing air about her that was immediately inviting, even for an introvert like me. What started as a 10AM appointment with a set of questions, quickly turned into somewhat of a long, soul-renewing conversation with a new friend, all of the requisite laughter included. I was left with a very profound reminder that not only should we never stop learning new things and exploring, we should also never stop meeting new and interesting people. When it comes to living well, this is vital.
L&F: It seems as though you’ve been studying the art of feminine elegance for a while now, and I’m truly curious: What do you think is the key to living elegantly?
Brielle Lynette: I would say that the primary key to living elegantly is living intentionally. I think elegance looks different for different people, especially depending on what your feminine archetype is— some women are sages, others are femme fatales, so it’s going to always look different. The key point though, I think, is that being intentional about what you do, what you say, how you dress, where you go… You have to ask yourself if it aligns with that aspect of elegance that you are trying to embody, and what feels natural for you. So, just being very intentional about what you are putting out into the world, and then what you are pouring into yourself as well.
Which one would you say you are?
Oh me? I would honestly say that I’m a sage. They’re usually characterized as being very wise, with a bit of reserve and regality about them. I always like to joke that my aesthetic is first lady chic, and you know Jackie Kennedy was a sage too, so I think it perfectly aligns.
And you know the most remarkable ladies always have some sort of signature. What five signature items do you think every woman should have?
Oh of course! See, this is my favorite question, because I love talking about signature items, and it’s just so much fun to explore. So, for sure, the first one is definitely a jewelry set. For me, as you can see I’m a pearl girly, but not everybody loves pearls. If you want some sparkle, it can be a standard diamond set, kind of like the studs that you have on, then add a simple matching necklace. Just some sort of standard jewelry set that can go with any outfit. It could go with elevated outfits or a more dressed down outfit, and it will effortlessly tie everything together.
A signature fragrance is a must too. I’m personally a gourmand girl, so I like things that smell like you’ve just walked into a warm patisserie. So, a scent that is very sweet would be my go-to. Some women prefer stronger, headier scents like rose…so it is a very personal journey, and you may find that it also often aligns with whatever your archetype is. The scent is, in my opinion, super important.
Determining a signature nail color, lip shade, and also a signature color palette that you’ll be building all of your outfits around, are also super important because this helps to establish your public identity and how you present yourself to others. And I’m sure you’ve seen on social media every January how the girls want to go through a huge rebranding phase and just throw everything out of their closets… this kind of helps you alleviate needing to do that so often because, if you have those five core, foundational things, you can comfortably build everything else around it. You can build your clothing around it, the shoes you buy, and really just be more intentional about buying things that truly suit you.
It really just comes down to knowing yourself, and really taking that time to learn more about who you are and how others perceive you.
For sure.
Then, how did you figure out your own style and become comfortable in it?
You know, I get asked that a lot, and honestly, it took a lot of time. They say that great things take time, so you have to just be patient with yourself and let it naturally evolve. Also, what helps though is doing a lot of research. I’m very big on taking personality quizzes for fun all the time.
And when I would go online to look for outfit ideas, a lot of the time in the beginning, when I first started making an effort to develop my personal style, I would look for people that I was inspired by. For example, I found that I was always drawn to Jacqueline Kennedy or Princess Diana, so I would dive deeper into what linked their two styles and what kind of essence that they were giving off that I was so drawn to, and once you do this, you’ll find that your style will naturally gravitate and align with that. Your style will naturally start to become more cohesive.
Do you have a beauty ritual, then, that always leaves you feeling fabulous and every bit of a lady?
Well, now there’s different things I do depending on what I have to do, so each day looks kind of different. But every day, there are three things that I never fail to do: Use rose water, drink a cup of jujube tea, and put on my sunscreen. The rose water is really great to spritz on twice a day—so in the morning and again in the evening—just because it helps with inflammation, which happens to my skin all the time, and it really helps with hydration in the winter too. But I love it because it just smells so beautiful, and you spritz some on and instantly you notice that your eyes and face just look so much brighter. It quite literally will transform your face.
I’m also really into holistic beauty and health as well, so the Koreans and Chinese drink jujube tea for good gut health, which we’ve learned is strongly linked to skin health. And honestly just doing what you can to keep your skin and your body healthy is one of the best beauty rituals out there. I actually had a dermatologist tell me once a while ago, that the best makeup in your 40’s and 50’s is just putting on a little sunscreen in your 20’s, and that really stuck with me. It doesn’t matter where I’m going that day or whether or not I’m wearing makeup that day, I put some on. It’s a non-negotiable.
So, say you’re going out —with the sunscreen on, obviously—
Oh obviously.
(We giggle).
What would the most perfect, most satisfying, prettiest day look like for you?
Well, I usually wake up in the morning and I like to take a quiet moment and do a bit of Bible study. That’s something that is very important to me. As soon as I wake up, I don’t like to grab my phone or scroll through emails or things like that, I just like to breathe and start in the Word to set a good tone for my day. A happy and peaceful woman is a beautiful woman. Then after that I like to have my French café latte with the score from The Princess Diaries running in the background. You know, just a nice, slow, and elegant start to the morning.
Then after that I would probably go for a walk in the city. I love big cities and just exploring them. So, I would probably start at a boulangerie and do some of my French study for a little bit.
Oh, a new language?
Oui!
(Another giggle).
I recently have taken up learning how to speak French. I’m enrolled in French school right now, so I really want to make sure I set aside some time for studying. I love learning new things and it’s a lot of fun. I’m a big, big, big, arts and culture girl, so I think after that I would probably walk to a museum. I just love wandering through them at a leisurely pace, so if there’s a chance to do that, I’m gonna take it.
Then, after that I think in the evening I would walk to a ballet performance or a symphony orchestra or something like that. I’m for sure an arts and culture girl, so I love to attend performances, and I always try my best to make time for that in my life. I know during the Spring they often put on Swan Lake, so around this time that would be something I’d love to do.
And then I would be home and in my bed by 10:30, because sleep is essential.
You know, you get to a point where being out after a certain time becomes such a hassle.
Doesn’t it?
But honestly, I think there’s a certain charm to just walking around a city at a slow pace and just watching the world go by. It’s a very thoughtful way to live. But it’s so difficult in many cities because everything is so spread out, so we just end up going from point A to point B and not thinking about what’s in the middle.
Yes! Yes, I know what you mean. When I was in New York a few years ago, I made it a point to take a whole day to just go walking. So, I walked all the way from Brooklyn through the top of Manhattan.
Really?
Yeah, I was very determined that day. And you know I think I took 28,000 steps that day according to my phone.
One of the best exercises if you ask me. Helps me watch the waistline.
Exactly.
What are you doing for exercise these days?
Actually, I love doing ballet. I’m enrolled in adult ballet classes at the Atlanta Ballet, and then also some other ballet classes at a small studio that is a little closer to home. Every single morning, I also do some ballet exercises—Fun fact: You can get an entire ballet bar off of Amazon if you just want to do bar practice every morning. That’s how I like to start the morning. Then I typically have class every Tuesday and Thursday evening, and those are around an hour and a half each. And any chance I get to be on foot, I’ll walk and try to build that into my weekly exercise. I wish that could be my daily exercise, but as you said, everything is just so spread apart, so that would be too challenging.
Is ballet something you’ve always wanted to do?
Oh always, yes. When I was younger, I was in ballet, but by the time I got to middle school, I wanted to try out cheerleading and that ended up taking up all of my time. But I wish I had still taken at least one foundational ballet class just because it’s great for helping with your poise and posture, and all of those things. But you know, we’re living out our childhood dreams and doing the things that our inner little girl had wished we had continued to do.
I would love to do horseback riding.
Yeah! I did horseback riding one time and it was very scary. But it was—
(Some nervous laughter).
I didn’t realize how big they were!
And it always looks like in the movies people just hop up on them, but I—
Yeah!
Yeah!
It was a fun experience though. I had a gorgeous black horse named Lady, and she was so beautiful, but I was so terrified because getting up on one was a bit…I’m five foot one for some context.
Oop!
Yeah…
We know that we can’t be graceful at every single moment, but as a certified etiquette consultant what are your top 5 etiquette tips that you find yourself using all the time? How do you keep your composure?
Oh, etiquette is such an intricate and nuanced topic, especially with all of the different cultures, and you could take years doing a deep dive into it, but there are a few things to keep in mind, I think. I would definitely say that one of the first things is to be mindful of yourself. I think that we often forget that the way that we present ourselves or the way that we are carrying ourselves is going to impact how we interact with other people.
Also, being mindful and respectful of other people. One thing that my etiquette mentor taught me when I first started learning was that etiquette is absolutely not about you. It’s not about being stuck up or looking prissy, or you know, being better than someone else., it’s about how you make other people feel. So, even if you have all of the etiquette tools but you’re not the kindest person, it’s not going to do anything to help. It’s all based on mutual respect. Which is why I would say that the third tip is that you should always do your research before entering into any new space.
That could look like going to a dinner and meeting new people, or travelling to a new country and exploring new cultures, etc. Any time that you’re going to be entering a new situation, definitely take that time to research and exercise respect for the people that you’re about to engage with. Not to make it stuffy or to make you anxious, but to make sure you have certain tools and are well prepared.
Then I would also say, you should learn how to make a proper introduction. I think these days, people don’t really know how to introduce themselves properly. One thing my etiquette mentor taught me is that you only have about 7 seconds to make a good first impression, so within that first 7 seconds, someone has already formed an opinion of you. Now, that initial opinion can certainly evolve and change, but that foundational first impression will always stick. So, if you know how to properly introduce yourself, whether that means you know how to shake a hand, or introduce someone senior to you, those bits of knowledge will work to your benefit.
Then the last tip I would say is to just learn the basics of dining etiquette and the art of small talk. Most social situations these days happen at the dinner table, since not everyone is going to have access to these extravagant galas and whatnot. Typically, you’re going to meet somebody for the first time or do some sort of social exchange at a dinner table, so you’re going to need to understand at least the basics of dining etiquette and how to small talk.
Oof, small talk.
Yeah, I’m an introvert by nature, so I know how you feel about the small talk. But just having a couple of things on hand to talk about with the person sitting next to you, or the person that you’re standing around waiting with, makes everything that much easier. And you know, the great thing about learning this is that while researching “how to not be socially awkward and make small talk for introverts”, I found out that a lot more people struggle with it than you would think, which definitely makes it a lot easier and more natural.
...a lot of the time when we talk about things we need to change or let go of, we’re usually talking about people, friends, relationships, but sometimes...it’s the stuff within yourself that you have to learn to let go of.
And what would you say knowing these things does for you on a personal level?
Now, no pun intended, but learning etiquette for sure has granted me a seat at the table, and I think that so many people believe etiquette to be about learning how to properly talk and dress, and all of that, but this just is not the reality of it. It’s really about how you make others feel. If you think about it, your network and the people around you are going to be the ones who present you with exciting, new opportunities and give you seats at tables that you didn’t have before, so if you don’t know how to interact with them and socialize, you’ll never get those opportunities to learn and grow.
I know for myself, personally, just the foundation of etiquette…for one: it’s piqued a lot of people’s interest because, not a lot of people have taken etiquette classes or have met certified etiquette consultants, so they’re always very interested by that. And I love helping people deconstruct their preconceived notions about what etiquette is. I think a lot of people don’t realize that a lot of the things that they may want to do could become less daunting once they learn a few etiquette skills. For example, we teach many high school students, and for some college applications, sometimes you may actually have to sit down with a board of admissions at a dinner table. And it’s not necessarily that you have to know every single last etiquette fact that there is about dining etiquette, but if you at least know the basis, it will help you to not feel quite so nervous because you know that you have resources in your repertoire that you can use when necessary. For me, it definitely helps me feel more natural. It gives me the sense of self-assuredness, that I have a seat at this table and that I belong there. I don’t need to prove anything.
It frees you up, so that you’re not worrying about whether or not you look out of place. Instead, you can be focused on the conversation and what’s going on in the room.
Exactly, exactly. It’s such a multifaceted thing, and like I said, so many people think it’s just about wearing pearls or sitting up straight, or dressing a certain way. It really comes down to making sure you’re respecting yourself and others.
You mentioned just a minute ago about learning and growing, so how do you experience and enjoy life?
Oh, through the arts and culture. Definitely. There’s no question about that. I’m a huge, huge, huge, arts and culture girly, and I love music and performance in particular. All of those things are so enriching for me, and right now there’s about three cultures I’m currently drawn to and exploring. The first one would be American culture, and just because it’s our own culture, but especially as Black Americans, we had a heavy hand in building what American culture is today. And understanding this context and appreciating it from an artistic standpoint is so important to me. Oh, and shout out to Sinners! I just love that they won at the Oscar’s, because that is the foundation of American culture right there.
I also love French culture. As I said earlier, I’ve been learning the language, the different eras of their art, learning about their music. There’s just something about it that I find so fascinating for some reason, so I’m making an effort to study this culture and learn more. And I’m really enjoying it!
Also, something new that I’ve been diving into is Korean culture and music. I love, love, love their music and performance style. I also love learning about some of their traditions through skincare and beauty as well. It gives me a totally new perspective on health and beauty that is very different from our Western perspective. So, those are some of my current favorite cultures to tap into and learn about, and go support their arts and different exhibits and things that are on offer. It’s very enriching for me because, as someone who gets so much fulfillment and has a passion for music, I love seeing how it’s showcased from another viewpoint all around the world. I want to know, how is someone who is 50,000 miles away impacted by their own cultural music or how are they interpreting it within their own context? I could ramble on about this for hours, so I’m not going to, but yes, that is definitely the most fulfilling and enriching part of living for me.
It’s a bit random, I know, but I find that there’s something fundamental about the arts and culture that is rather romantic, and it just got me wondering, what is your best flirtation tip?
Well…
I haven’t flirted in person in quite a while, but back in my college days when I was a little flirty girly… I will say, it’s all in the eyes. I think that we don’t generally make eye contact with other people very often, so when you give somebody that look and make that eye contact, it establishes an understanding, that bond. That’s the flirtation right there, and it’s actually quite simple. It really is all in the eyes. At least for me, because I’ve got no other tips for you!
So, it’s safe to say “mascara, always”?
Oh yeah, a good mascara, maybe a couple falsies based on your eye shape, and a little flutter and look up and down. At least that’s what worked back in college, I have no idea what the kids are doing these days.
What is a lesson in elegance that you found most difficult to learn?
Now, this one makes me think, but one of the most challenging lessons in elegance for sure is the refinement aspect. Once you’ve established who you are and what kind of elegance fits you personally, it becomes fun because you get to explore and deep dive and unpack what that looks like. It’s a lot of fun, but there comes a point, however, when you begin to notice that there are certain things that don’t align with who you thought you were. And there are certain things that you held very dear to you, or ideologies that you held very closely that you realize that you have to let go of and not necessarily be so one-track minded about.
For me personally, for a very long time, I know that I was a gatekeeper girl. I used to be very big on the whole “oh you know a lady has to have things that are just for her, she doesn’t share all of her beauty secrets”. Two, maybe three years ago, I might not have been doing an interview like this. I might have been more worried about keeping things to myself. And while there are still certain aspects of your life that are more intimate, and that you might want to protect, you still want to be a resource for other young ladies who look up to you, and not see them as a challenge to you or your standard of beauty. You want to be able to help other women and so, letting go of that gatekeeping mindset was a bit of a challenge, but it was a very necessary part of the refinement process and the maturity that comes with evolving into your best self.
It’s almost as if you come to a point where you have to shed these things, and it’s not a pretty process, but it’s very necessary.
Exactly. And like I said, some of that is stuff that you really, really find difficult or even scary to let go of. And I know, a lot of the time when we talk about things we need to change or let go of, we’re usually talking about people, friends, relationships, but sometimes the work is very much an internal kind of thing. Sometimes it’s the stuff within yourself that you have to learn to let go of.
And actually, speaking of that, throughout your career as an online personality, I’ve always found that you’ve consistently tried your best to be genuine and transparent about your life and how you navigated swimming against the tide, not fitting into a box, and just trying to be your most authentic self, when others were trying to dictate what you could and could not be. That takes a lot of courage. How do you stay true to yourself and your own uniqueness?
Definitely I know that it’s keeping God as my center. I know for sure that the person I am right now looks very different from the person I was a few years ago. So, I have found that having God as that foundational center keeps my feet on the ground. Even in those seasons when I don’t feel like I necessarily know myself or that I am slipping away from myself and who I am at my core, He knows exactly who I am, and I can always come back to Him and find my grounding again. My favorite psalm is Psalms 139:1-18, which is basically just David writing a poem to the Lord about how God knows him so intimately that even when his faith is shaken or he’s not sure about the things that God has called him to do, he feels that sense of security too.
So, for me, being an inspiration to women and girls who want to be girly and elegant, want to explore that side of themselves, when the world is telling us that these things aren’t for black women…I just find it important to keep God as the center and the soundboard, because He knows me in my entirety, so I don’t have to be afraid of being myself. Everything that’s in my orbit has come from Him, so I embrace that.
He knows you at your core, so it doesn’t matter how you change and evolve through the years. In fact, you should be learning and growing and evolving into a better version of yourself.
Exactly.
Want more ladylike inspiration? Follow Brielle Lynette on instagram @missbriellelynette