Advice For Those Days When You're Not In The Mood To Look Like A Villain (Even If They're Always Hot)

By Staff Writer

Here’s the thing: there are some people in existence, who do not, in fact, look good in black. You might not believe it, and I truly do wish this were not the case, but perhaps fate knew what it was doing, because if I looked as good in black as I did in pastel pink, then I might have actually attempted world domination.

But here I am, perpetually doomed to always looking sweet and girlish when I would rather look chic, sleek, and mysterious. I’m convinced it’s got something to do with my face, but I’m already moving toward my thirties and it’s starting to get out of hand. Luckily for you, I’ve done my research throughout the years, and I’ve figured out a plan for those of us who can never seem to pull off the all-black look, especially in cities where wearing white is just asking for some sort of unfortunate day that ends with a big bottle of bleach.

As the social season begins and you start looking for your multi-purpose dresses for nights out on the town, you might have the urge to reach for a black one when you go to shop.

Resist it.

Because for some of us—and I’m going to say this very gently— the color black just completely washes out all of our beautiful features and engulfs us in dowdiness, like a cloud that blocks out the sun. Not chic at all. But on account of me taking almost a decade to come to terms with this truth, I have devised some rules to follow in order to get around this, and still serve VILLAINESS. So here you go. You’re welcome.

The Evil Twins

If you absolutely must, wearing all black is possible, but first you have to be able to tell the difference between warm shades of black and cool shades of black. A lot of people would just say that black is the absence of all color, but when it comes to clothing, I disagree. In the dyeing process, many black fabrics are often given either warm undertones, with reds working behind them, or cool undertones, using blues. We’ve all seen the differences between shades of white, some are cool and ice-like, and others are warm, like lightbulbs. So then, it follows that there should also be black clothes that give off a sense of warmth too, shouldn’t there? And I’ve devised the perfect test to see which is which. It’s completely unscientific and definitely unartistic, but I really don’t care. Oh, and this really only works if you’re out shopping in person, not online. Don’t try this online. I’m just saving you a sad trip to the dressing room and judgement from the dressing room attendant. Here it is:

Hold up the piece of clothing in question, and ask yourself whether you imagine a corporate baddie with an impeccable bob wearing this or not. If the answer is no… then there’s about a 55% chance that what you’re looking at is a warm shade of black. Use this rule wisely.

Necklines Do Matter

Now, I wouldn’t dare try to wear a black turtleneck unless it was sleeveless. Do you know why?

It’s because necklines and sleeves can make a world of difference when it comes to not being engulfed by a color.

I actually look good in my sleeveless black turtleneck. In fact, I always look just as intense as I feel that day, and when I pair it with my big black sunglasses and a pair of heels, and I go walking downtown, people move out of my way on the sidewalk. It’s exhilarating, and I would 100% recommend to a friend.

Back to business though. The main issue with wearing black is that unless your features are dramatic and intense enough to fight it, you’ll risk ending up swallowed whole. So, the key is to break up the overwhelming nature of the color, and one of the most fool-proof ways to do this is to use your own skin. Look for a neckline that displays your chest area in a positive light (by now you’ve probably figured out what kinds of necklines won’t have you falling out of your dress), and opt for necklines and sleeves that show off the shoulders and arms. I love a good Queen Anne neckline or perhaps something square, and off-the-shoulders can make all of your villainess dreams come true.

Essentially what we are doing is emphasizing the skin tone of the chest area in order to push the black down, so that the black can engulf the body as opposed to the face. This way, the black is working for you and not against you, softening and smoothing out any unwanted bumps and lumps, without completely taking over your face and covering up your essence.

I will say, however, that there are some rules for showing skin in an elegant way. You can choose to follow them if you want…or not. Look for hemlines that are at the knee or below and don’t show the midriff. It’s called the Rule of Thirds, where the neckline, midriff, and hemline all act as placement options for showing skin, but only one can be chosen at a time in any given outfit, to ensure maximum elegance. In this case, we have chosen the neckline.

Break Up The Fighting

Alternatively, if you don’t want to use the neckline as a way to break up the overwhelming nature of black, say because you would rather highlight other areas of your body like your legs, or perhaps you lean more toward modest fashion, then you can certainly use other colors to do so. In choosing a contrast color, make sure that particular color is one which you know for sure suits you. If you’re still left in doubt about a good contrast color that suits you and doesn’t make you look like a random comic book character, then reach for white. It’s a classic choice, even if it is a little boring and overdone. It’s honestly your best bet though because, if you are the type of person who gets eaten up in all-black, then you most likely glow in all-white. There must be just two types of people in the world, I guess. Maybe we all cry a little inside when we see colored dress codes on social invitations.

After you have picked a good contrast color to go with, look for dresses or pieced outfits that focus your contrast color around the neckline and chest area. This works in the same way as the previous rule, pushing the black further down your body so that it does not overshadow your bright and shiny face. This only works, however, as long as there is enough fabric at the top of the outfit dedicated to your contrast color. In other words, a little trim of white at the top of your dress is not going to do you any good, but covering a substantial part of the shoulders and chest will.

Texture Saves Lives

Sometimes the question is not about what color the piece is or how the piece is structured, but rather, what fabric it’s made from. In my years of research, I have found that texture and fabric choice can really shift the balance of things. For example, you won’t find me even considering reaching for a smooth black sweater that features a crew neck and long sleeves, but you may find me trying on a crew neck sweater with long sleeves that is made from a fuzzy material such as brushed mohair instead. Now this rule should only be applied on a case by case basis, but sometimes the feel or the look of certain fabrics helps to at least ease or soften the extreme nature of black. Yes, “soften” is the operative word here, I think. So, go ahead and see whether or not changing the fabric to something softer and fuzzier helps your plight. At most, it increases your chances of being able to pull this off. Best wishes.

Living In Color

But when in doubt, just avoid black altogether. I do. At some point, I got tired of trying to look city sleek, when I knew I had a “frolic in the meadow” kind of face. It just wasn’t working out. That’s why I started purchasing statement pieces, outerwear, and dresses in alternative colors that still evoke the feel of black, without actually being black. Navy became a go-to, and light grays gave me a little bit of the sleekness and seriousness I so desired, and I know some friends would look great in a deep forest green. But do you know what color became an ultimate favorite out of all the dark colors for me? Eggplant. Very rich old lady of me, isn’t it? It always seems to go perfectly with sparkly jewelry, pearls, or with my mother’s gold bangles. In this way, I can get around wearing black, which does me no service, and still use color to demand respect when I go out. That’s a win-win situation if you ask me.

So, there you have it, friends. My personal guide to shopping for black clothing when you look better in just about anything else. Oh, and don’t ask me any follow up questions, I’m not a color analyst. This guide is just from a friend of a friend, so take it with a grain of salt.